It's A Dog's Life

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I'm a Going To Heaven

When humans think of Martin Luther, they usually think one of two things. Either they think he was a great civil rights leader of the 1960’s, which is totally incorrect but that’s what they think. Or, they think he was a human who had something to do with the reformation of the Roman Catholic Church, which is also incorrect since the Roman Catholic Church remains unreformed as ever. That’s just how humans think.

Now if you ask a dog about Martin Luther, here’s what we will tell you. He gave table scraps. That’s the main thing. Unlike a lot of so-called theologians, Martin actually had a dog. This is very surprising but sometimes humans who don’t even have a dog will try to understand God. Of course, all things are possible. Only believe, and all. But, it’s not likely that a human will get very far with God unless they are traveling along with a dog.

So, a couple of days ago my otherwise brilliant guardian found this very important theological quote from Martin Luther and she was SO surprised:

Be thou comforted, little dog, Thou too in Resurrection shall have a little golden tail.

And after that she took to looking down at me from high atop her two bi-pedal legs and saying, “Thou too, O Rowan, shall have a little golden tail.” It’s very annoying.

Look, it’s not that we dogs are or aren’t going to Heaven. Going somewhere in the future is a foreign concept to us. What it is, you see, is that we are already there. All that already but not yet business is a human invention. And, to be fair, I think it works out pretty good for the humans. Not for dogs. We live in the resurrection because we don’t have “not yet.” It’s always the present for us. That’s why we can love you even when you neglect us and don’t take us in the car with you. Really. So, for dogs, we’re not going to Heaven. We’re already there! And, just so all you humans know, my tail is already quite golden as is the rest of my body… If only you had eyes to see my vast fabulousness.

The main reason that humans have trouble with this is that they like to feel special. And, they do have dominion which in general they exercise very poorly but, still, they do have it. But, the other way they make themselves feel special is by dividing things up and putting them into categories. Thus, all created order becomes animals, vegetables, minerals, etc… The vastness of interstellar space becomes stars, quadrants, comets, etc… The rolling mother ocean is made up of sand, starfish, squid, stingrays… and that’s just in the esses! It’s a human gift. If you want to call it that. They especially do this with people. In fact, it is the main human enterprise, just keeping all the people in their places.

But they also do it with things they don’t understand. So, when confronted with the overwhelming and glittery beauty of the spirit, they divided it up into manageable little pieces and gave the pieces Greek sounding names like nous and stuff. It helps them. One of the little pieces they invented, and it is a human invention not something either God or dogs did, is psyche. It’s thought -- by humans at least -- to be a little bit above what they think of as “mere” plants but not quite as evolved as nous. Oh, the high (and may I just sarcastically say human) nature of nous… it’s all just human silliness.

There was this one guy, he was named Gregory I think. He didn’t have a dog. He said that you had to have language to have nous, and you had to have nous to be able to know God. Since only humans have the particular kind of language Greg was talking about, he thought that only humans could go to Heaven. Isn’t that silly? I hope he is one of the five people I meet in Heaven, I’ll tell you what.

Just for clarity, in case you humans aren’t getting it. There is one Spirit. It is God. It is the only thing that gives any kind of life to any of us. We all return to it. Dogs AND humans. Cats too, I imagine. Yes, even cats.

Of course there does come a time when we have to leave our human guardians and go to be directly with Jesus and the other dogs. I think that is very hard for the humans because they are just so unreasonably attached to their bodies. But, for dogs, it’s no big deal. Like taking a nap and having a real good dream.

This is going to sound unbelievable to those of you who know how great I am. But, when I get to Heaven I am going to be able to run even faster, jump even higher, and swim and climb even more gracefully than I do now. Plus, probably Jesus will want to play with me all the time and he will have fights with Elijah who will want to take me for rides in his chariot… top down, of course. Jesus’ mother will probably come over with some treats for me. That’ll be great, I’ll tell you what. Probably Martin Luther will be there with his little dog Clownie. Maybe I’ll hang out with them while I wait for Lindy. I’ll give Martin a lick and see if he laughs. I bet he will. Obviously Saint Roch will be there and maybe some other saints too. Laika is there already, of course. It’s going to be great.

So now that you know how humans got into the very bad habit of thinking that they were going to be the only ones living resurrected lives you should be able to disabuse yourselves of such silliness.

I mean, think about it, do you really think God would have called it Heaven if there weren’t going to be dogs?

I love you all and am wagging my little golden tail real hard.


  • Oh, Rowan, dear wonderful Rowan, if only human theologians could grasp things that you and other dogs already know! Thank you for trying to help us two-leggeds get over our silliness and enjoy all creation and each other right now.

    Of course, I've known for years that heaven was full of dogs. I can hardly wait to see Kazan again.

    Thanks again.

    By Blogger Paul, at 5:36 PM  

  • Well, Miss Aimée and Grandpa (her daddy, who is in heaven this Christmas) had many conversations about this. They're both real smart and they knew right away that OF COURSE doggies would be in heaven. In fact, just before Grandpa left this earth he said that the first soul he wanted to greet him in heaven was Duke, the Boxer he had when he was a boy. I betcha he and Duke are gonna have a great Christmas with Jesus and Martin Luther and my great-Grandpas and Trusty Dog and everyone else!

    Licks & Sniffs,

    By Blogger Bionic Aimee, at 7:48 PM  

  • Rowan, again you have such a firm grasp on theology, better than most humans.

    I found out that Dr. Luther (aka Martin) not only had a dog but talked about his dog often when he was sitting around with his students, having a beer.

    This is referenced in his "table talk."

    There is one quote from Table Talk that I might post.

    By Blogger Diane, at 8:39 PM  

  • Yay! All dogs Go to Heaven! I get a Little Golden Tail!

    I want to hear about the Table Talk now!

    C'mon, Diane, do it

    NOW! I Want to Know.

    How long, do we have to wait for Jasper's blog? How long, oh lLord, how long???

    By Blogger Grendel, at 10:31 PM  

  • I love you Paul and I know that Kazan is waiting for you.

    I love you Romeo and Merry Christmas to all who are in Heaven and already have their golden tails.

    I love you Diane and I hope you post the table talk quote. There are treats involved in that,right?

    I love you Grendel. I think that "Table Talk" is like a blog only without computers... not sure how that works. Anyway, I am thinking that the humans have food on the table and that Dr. Martin would probably give us dogs some. Lindy won't, of course. But, I'm counting on Clowine's guardian to come through for us.

    Gaudatet everyone!



    By Blogger Rowan The Dog, at 7:52 AM  

  • I love this post. Thank you for saying what I've always believed.

    By Blogger Mauigirl, at 1:10 PM  

  • Thanks, Rowan! I'll be linking to your very good theological thoughts in just a moment.

    By Blogger DogBlogger, at 5:55 PM  

  • I love you Mauigirl. I've always wanted to go to a beach but so far my guardian hasn't taken me. I hope you have fun in the waves.

    I love you Dogblogger. Good luck with that stick!

    Love to all dogs and humans!


    By Blogger Rowan The Dog, at 5:16 AM  

  • Oh Rowan, I have been away and just catching up on blogs.

    It did my heart good to come see you today, as it always does.

    You are so smart and clearly you know the path to heaven!!!

    By Blogger FranIAm, at 7:46 AM  

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