I'm a Going To Heaven

When humans think of Martin Luther, they usually think one of two things. Either they think he was a great civil rights leader of the 1960’s, which is totally incorrect but that’s what they think. Or, they think he was a human who had something to do with the reformation of the Roman Catholic Church, which is also incorrect since the Roman Catholic Church remains unreformed as ever. That’s just how humans think.

Now if you ask a dog about Martin Luther, here’s what we will tell you. He gave table scraps. That’s the main thing. Unlike a lot of so-called theologians, Martin actually had a dog. This is very surprising but sometimes humans who don’t even have a dog will try to understand God. Of course, all things are possible. Only believe, and all. But, it’s not likely that a human will get very far with God unless they are traveling along with a dog.

So, a couple of days ago my otherwise brilliant guardian found this very important theological quote from Martin Luther and she was SO surprised:

Be thou comforted, little dog, Thou too in Resurrection shall have a little golden tail.

And after that she took to looking down at me from high atop her two bi-pedal legs and saying, “Thou too, O Rowan, shall have a little golden tail.” It’s very annoying.

Look, it’s not that we dogs are or aren’t going to Heaven. Going somewhere in the future is a foreign concept to us. What it is, you see, is that we are already there. All that already but not yet business is a human invention. And, to be fair, I think it works out pretty good for the humans. Not for dogs. We live in the resurrection because we don’t have “not yet.” It’s always the present for us. That’s why we can love you even when you neglect us and don’t take us in the car with you. Really. So, for dogs, we’re not going to Heaven. We’re already there! And, just so all you humans know, my tail is already quite golden as is the rest of my body… If only you had eyes to see my vast fabulousness.

The main reason that humans have trouble with this is that they like to feel special. And, they do have dominion which in general they exercise very poorly but, still, they do have it. But, the other way they make themselves feel special is by dividing things up and putting them into categories. Thus, all created order becomes animals, vegetables, minerals, etc… The vastness of interstellar space becomes stars, quadrants, comets, etc… The rolling mother ocean is made up of sand, starfish, squid, stingrays… and that’s just in the esses! It’s a human gift. If you want to call it that. They especially do this with people. In fact, it is the main human enterprise, just keeping all the people in their places.

But they also do it with things they don’t understand. So, when confronted with the overwhelming and glittery beauty of the spirit, they divided it up into manageable little pieces and gave the pieces Greek sounding names like nous and stuff. It helps them. One of the little pieces they invented, and it is a human invention not something either God or dogs did, is psyche. It’s thought -- by humans at least -- to be a little bit above what they think of as “mere” plants but not quite as evolved as nous. Oh, the high (and may I just sarcastically say human) nature of nous… it’s all just human silliness.

There was this one guy, he was named Gregory I think. He didn’t have a dog. He said that you had to have language to have nous, and you had to have nous to be able to know God. Since only humans have the particular kind of language Greg was talking about, he thought that only humans could go to Heaven. Isn’t that silly? I hope he is one of the five people I meet in Heaven, I’ll tell you what.

Just for clarity, in case you humans aren’t getting it. There is one Spirit. It is God. It is the only thing that gives any kind of life to any of us. We all return to it. Dogs AND humans. Cats too, I imagine. Yes, even cats.

Of course there does come a time when we have to leave our human guardians and go to be directly with Jesus and the other dogs. I think that is very hard for the humans because they are just so unreasonably attached to their bodies. But, for dogs, it’s no big deal. Like taking a nap and having a real good dream.

This is going to sound unbelievable to those of you who know how great I am. But, when I get to Heaven I am going to be able to run even faster, jump even higher, and swim and climb even more gracefully than I do now. Plus, probably Jesus will want to play with me all the time and he will have fights with Elijah who will want to take me for rides in his chariot… top down, of course. Jesus’ mother will probably come over with some treats for me. That’ll be great, I’ll tell you what. Probably Martin Luther will be there with his little dog Clownie. Maybe I’ll hang out with them while I wait for Lindy. I’ll give Martin a lick and see if he laughs. I bet he will. Obviously Saint Roch will be there and maybe some other saints too. Laika is there already, of course. It’s going to be great.

So now that you know how humans got into the very bad habit of thinking that they were going to be the only ones living resurrected lives you should be able to disabuse yourselves of such silliness.

I mean, think about it, do you really think God would have called it Heaven if there weren’t going to be dogs?

I love you all and am wagging my little golden tail real hard.