Today I would like to write to you about some of the problems I face in my role as Bishop of Playing and, in my off-hours, the Dog of Lindy. Also, I am posting this pretty picture of me. Look over on your left to see it. I feel that I look pretty good in that shot.

You may recall that I've been chasing the heretical squirrels with all my might.


May the eternally brave spirit of Saint Laika help me, these little foxes in my garden are just taking all the fun out of being a bishop. It seems like wherever I turn, there's another squirrel. They eat the bird food, monopolize the trees, and make annoying chicking sounds.

In order to protect the diocese I have chased, barked, and given admonitions to them. But, as you can see, all to no avail.

I am including, for your edification, a photo of one of the particularly bad squirrels. This squirrel is notoriously disrupting the unity of the diocese, upsetting the birds, and annoying me too.

As you may well expect of your bishop, I have reached out to these squirrels in inter-species friendship and offered them sanctuary in our diocese if only they will stop eating the bird's food. Like heretics before them, they refused.

Still, hoping to avoid a schism, I have taken the unusual step of asking my guardian to please place some squirrel food in the diocese so that this may entice the squirrels to stop eating the bird's food.

Beginning tomorrow there will be corn cobs placed throughout the back yard for the enjoyment and nutrition of the squirrels. May they then be able to join in with the rest of us animals in the joy of playing.

With much love and affection for all you animals,

+Rowan