Archbishop Clumber, a most exalted dog and venerable barker, has graciously elevated Rowan the Dog to the post of Bishop Of Lakes And Playing. Plus, Clumber gave him this real neat red mitre!
In nominating Rowan for this great honor his guardian noted Rowan’s pastoral nature and his ease in creating relationships “person to dog.”
“The calling of a bishop has at its heart a servant leader who is able to maintain the close pastoral ties that are necessary for having fun and playing at the lake. Rowan’s character has been shaped by his obedient submission to the will of his guardian throughout his years of being a dog, which is one step up from ordained ministry. His character reflects the virtues of charity, humility, generosity of spirit, fun, and stability,” she added.
When asked by a reporter following the election what he thought of the outcome, Bishop Rowan said, “I was hoping for treats just like the other nominees. I was excited and humbled and really, really hoping for treats. It is hard to believe in that moment.” He said his first reaction was “to reach over and lick Lindy who is a dear, dear friend and guardian.”
“I have a solid working relationship with Bishop Clumber. He has mentored me and I look forward to a continuation of our shared ministry in this new light,” Bishop Rowan said.
A self-described flaming liberal for Jesus because moderates suck, Bishop Rowan said, “Our work is to grab the vision God has for us and run as fast as we can with it. Then go swimming in the lake. With Jesus Christ, every issue is an opportunity to reach out in ministry to and with all God's creatures, even some persons which may understand themselves to be bi-pedally oriented, even cats. This is our primary mission.
"We take everybody seriously, we don't turn real live human beings into issues. That's mean." Said bishop Rowan. "The world is calling us to find a way to be honest, to articulate a comprehensible faith, and to stop being stupid. That is the hope and the kind of future that we offer."
In consultation with his brother bishops and dogs Bishop Rowan has articulated a pastoral care plan which includes licking and snuggling. "There may also be times when, for extraordinary pastoral situations, it becomes necessary for me to jump or even to bark. I remain open to that," He said.
Bishop Rowan will assume office as soon as he returns from chasing ducks.
Also elected to the office of bishop this week was the human Andy Doyle. You can read about him here and see what kinds of things they say about him.